Summer Bummer
How do I get over my breakup before happy hour season?
*This newsletter was previously named The Angel Vault, more on that below.
If you follow me on any social media platform at all, my recent breakup (earth-shattering and devastating, btw) probably sounds like a broken record to you right about now. And I’m not sorry! I’m steering into the skid, and taking you guys along for the ride.
As a friend brilliantly articulated to me (in between vape hits while I cried on her couch last Tuesday), breaking up in the Spring is ideal timing. She presented me with the following recovery schedule (which my structure-loving brain decided i’ll be sticking to religiously): April showers are for mourning (check!) and healing (hmm… maybe soon?), May flowers marks the start of socialising (BBQs! Dartys! Happy Hours!), and finally, emerge fully thriving by June and ready for the summer (or in my case, making the cut by May 31st —my birthday!).
Here’s everything I’m doing to get myself there:
New me in the mirror?
The week after my breakup, I got a choppy haircut and my nails painted dark blue — and then immediately hated both. Okay fine, my best friend says my hair looks the same and at least three people have complimented the polish choice, but nonetheless, it was such a stark contrast to the image I held of myself during the relationship that I felt like a stranger every time I passed a mirror.
What I’m learning is that breakups can make you prone to an identity crisis — you’re grieving the loss of not only a person in your life, but who you were with that person. So, maybe change is good for me, but also maybe I should’ve started with a new lip colour instead of immediately running to the salon chair. Now I’m left counting down the days until I can switch to OPI’s Bubble Bath and for my $60 Kérastase order (which is actually just one mini bottle, sigh) to make my hair grow back to exactly the length it was before.
In a similar makeover vein, I’m sure you noticed (or not) I changed the name of the blog! Bye, bye, The Angel Vault; I loved it while it lasted but was itching for a fresh new home for my writing. Hopefully I end up liking it more than the haircut.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Only once someone is out of your life do you realise how truly entrenched in it they once were. After the painful and mandatory cleansing of old memories from my room, I knew I had to incorporate some fun changes, too.
New things in:
Fresh flowers weekly (tulip season!).
Postcards from restaurants and museums i’ve been to post-breakup (celebrating new memories).
New linen sheets for the summer (in light pink!).
Tablecloth for the living room (also light pink!).
Spring sweaters and rain jackets (though we’re hopefully done with those soon…).
I also took the whole, “out of sight, out of mind” saying beyond just physical things around me and underwent an olfactory reset. As affirmed by my tattered high school copy of Perfume by Patrick Suskind, scents can completely redefine a person, and I decided to use this to mark a new phase for my life.
New scents in:
The perfume Tonka 25 by Le Labo — first a sample and now a big bottle. New signature scent, new me?
Diptyque Figuier candle for the bedroom.
Trader Joes grapefruit candle for the bathroom.
Salt & Stone body wash in saffron and cedar.
Nest scent stick in lime zest & matcha for the closet.
Dried lavender by my bed.
Being busy ?
People say to lean on your friends when times get tough, so I had dinner with friends twice this week. On Thursday, I dressed up in an LBD that hasn’t been pulled out of my closet in two years, did a smokey eye makeup look, and shaved my legs. We headed to Balthazar, an iconic New York restaurant (read: expensive) and sipped Côtes du Rhône with our steak tartare before switching to martinis, which we devoured with the free desserts we got sent at the bar.
No one could have guessed that a mere two evenings earlier, I could be found on the living room floor of a friend’s place, clutching her teddy bear in one hand and a glass of $14 grocery store wine in the other, while she cheffed me up (an admittedly life-changing) bowl of pasta. Both evenings ended in tears (but at least in one of them I looked good…).
Treating myself…
The great thing about being heartbroken is that it offers a perfect excuse to just do whatever you want. Money is just a number, calories don’t exist, and responsibilities aren’t real. Even after passing the one-month mark since the breakup, I refuse to restrain myself from indulging myself in the most ridiculous forms of self-care. I’ll deal with the consequences later.
Bites: fastest way into my heart.
Balthazar’s steak tartare and fries (with mayonnaise).
L’Appartement 4F cinnamon roll.
Broma bakery’s giant Reese’s.
Kijitora iced strawberry matcha latte.
A third serving of homemade pasta bolognese.
Sant Ambroeus giant Easter egg.
Outfits: breakup shopping!
A few things I ordered from my fav Brazilian stores, hard launching my summer wardrobe and annual transition into boho chic:
I also bought a few things in NYC featured in a little haul on my Instagram (check the most recent vlogs highlight!).
Comfort: invest in your crying.
Listen, you’re going to be sad anyway, right? Why not make the experience a little more enjoyable?
Rewatch of Someone Great on Netflix.
New vintage Victoria’s Secret robe (for lounging in my sadness).
Buying the extra-soft Kleenex at CVS (tiny luxury).
Lorde’s entire discography on shuffle.
Tatcha dewy skin cream (to enhance a post-cry glow).
Stress relief ginger and tulsi tea.
Anyway.
Overall, I wish going through a breakup wasn’t so… lame. I wish I had cooler, more profound revelations to share other than, “yeah, some days are good, others are bad.” I wish it wasn’t that, but it really is. Some days it’s hibernating in bed with face masks and a box of chocolates, some days it’s going for a glass of wine alone and being totally at peace with myself, some days it’s walking in circles around my building to avoid going home, calling my friends in tears off the stoop of some unsuspecting family (sorry not sorry).
All I can do is be grateful I have the best friends and family to not only support me, but provide me with an audience for my complaints (including you!), and just try to get through it. Repeat after me: no crying in the club this summer!
